How Does YOUR Stress Manifest Itself?

Here's the deal:  I am NOT complaining.  I signed up for this whole two kids, part-time job, Assistant Troop Leader, woman of the house life.  Furthermore, I fully expect all of my mom friends to be floating around in the same boat.  That's what we can all agree on:  It's always something.  Life is not easy, but it's up to us to muddle on through, to find the good in even the worst days.

So, I am not whining when I say that my exhaustion came to a head on Sunday morning when I woke up to find that I could hardly talk.  My dream of a smoky Kathleen Turner voice has been realized!  I can sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" like Bonnie Tyler, if only I could actually carry a tune!  Fast forward four days, and my voice isn't completely back yet, but the point has been made, and well taken:

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to spill some tea with my sista from anotha mista with a shockingly well-behaved 8 month old.  I upped the ante today by getting myself Starbucks.  Now, I still lost my patience today, and don't think I'll ever get my real voice back, but I keep reminding myself that our weekend is wide open.  We just have to get Miss B. to and from dance.  There is my good.

Since this blog is about honesty, I'll come out and say it:  I like my new voice.  Who cares if I sound like I just chain-smoked a carton of Reds?  It's an earthy rasp.  And when it goes away, I'll say it was fun while it lasted.

(No, Mom, I haven't started smoking again.)

Little Women

I've played around with this blog for a number of years now.  It started off as a release, a way to express my feelings about this new and unexpected life as a full-time mom.  In the end, I found myself consumed with playdates, managing mom's groups, and taking care of my general household duties, and writing took a backseat to the million other things that need to be accomplished on a given day. 

Then it happened.  I had another child.

Sending my B-Girl to Kindergarten meant she was a Not-So-Little Person anymore.  My days went from entertaining her to toiling away at my unsatisfying job from 8:30-3 most days.  I'd say that "miserable" is the word that covers how I felt once she was gone all day.  As my job situation worsened, 40 also loomed on the horizon.  It was now or never . . . and now I have a 7 year old second grader and a baby. 

There's now a Mo in the house.  This girlfriend is nothing like her sister.  She will only nurse, bottles are forbidden.  She's usually up multiple times during the night.  Anyone not named mom is the enemy.  Mo makes her big sister seem like the easiest baby that ever existed (outside of those few fun-filled months of colic).  My days are an excited rush of taking my B to school, nursing, entertaining the Mo, working, assorted Girl Scout tasks and activities (because I can't just let my daughter be a Scout, I have to help as a Leader), letting my house become a mess, maybe cooking dinner, but just maybe, and keeping them bathed and dressed.  On a good day I can go to Stroller Strides and sweat off the garbage food I can't keep my hands off of. 

So what does it all mean?  It means that I'm still lost.  I have not been found, as I had mistakenly hoped when I conceived this lady in the fall of 2017.  My friendships have fallen by the wayside.  My job situation, after devolving, has now stabilized but I'm back to where I was when my B was a baby herself.  My home is a complete disaster, in the worst state it has ever been in with no relief in sight.  I have become marooned on Baby Island.  While I may be lost, it doesn't mean that I can't find myself again; it's just a new version of myself, yet again. 

I CAN manage my time better.

I CAN stop feeding my face out of nervousness.

I CAN do better at reaching out to others.

I CAN make dinner every night . . . come on, who am I kidding with that one?

What Girls Want

Anyone else's kid ask for MST3K?  Just mine?

I promised my now five-year-old that I would email Santa her wish list. No matter what happens in this world, or even within our little family, she's still a wide-eyed little optimist.  She loves her friends, learning new things, and school.  No matter how tough life is for our family right now, it hasn't affected her, and I won't let it.  This Christmas is going to be normal,  Right now she thinks I'm typing my own wish list.  My only Christmas wish is that she doesn't know what's going on in our family, and she doesn't end up hurt.  I'll buy everything on her list before I'll let that happen.

Dear Santa,

My name is Sara.  I love you.  You are the best Santa yet.  You will come soon I hope.  And I want to be with you forever.  I wish I had a pet rabbit.  And I want the Belle movie.  And I really, really, really, really think you’re the best.

I listen at school and sometimes listen at home.  That’s how I’ve been good this year.  I want some other movies that are kids movies too.  And I want some new games.  But not the smash in the face one.  You are the best.  You will always be the best for me too.  I want the Barbie pop star movie like Sammie has.  And I want some new Mystery Science Theatre 3000.  And I want a new black marker.  And I want some blind packs and I want some maps.  And some new books that are Sandra Boynton.  And I wish you were just in the sky from us.  I want a bowling ball so I can bowl.  And I want some new Fly Guy Books.  And I want some new Pigeon books and I want some Halloween Shopkins.  And I would like a Batman movie.  And some Happy Places Dreamy Bear Bedroom.  And I want some new water bottles.  And some other Grinch books but not the Christmas kind.  And I would like another Shopkins game.  And then I want some more puppets I want the raccoon in the trash can puppet.  And I would like some more Palace Pets and some Shopkins Shoppies kitchen.  And I would like the necklace kind of Shopkins.  And I would like some more BOB books.  And I would like a Barbie car and a Barbie bike.  I want another new jacket.  And I would like some new pencils and some coloring sheets.  And some slippers.

I want to say that I want another horsie like Spark Heart.  I hope all of the elves get my pictures.

Thank you so much for these things.

Love,

Sara

Things Happen

That's my daughter's go-to phrase:  Things Happen.  Life is a series of happy accidents. . . or blessings in disguise.  After 2 1/2 years here at home with her, I still often struggle with my place in this world.  My jobs, for lack of a better term, were crap; it's not like I was on the fast track to running a Fortune 500 company when I became a SAHM in 2011.  Having said that, I'm not exactly motherly either.  I'm not much of a cook.  My house is usually a complete mess.  I only recently found out what a "busy bag" is.  And . . . my overly independent child wants little to do with any projects or activities I try to present to her.  I still ask myself every day "What the fuck am I doing here?"  Is there something that I do right?

First of all, I put my highly independent child into preschool just after she turned 2, and it has given her the freedom that most kids her age aren't even looking for.  Also, I dispense A LOT of hugs - I'd like to think I have a PhD in what we call "buggying."  I sing the ABCs with her, and she knows the whole song, which surprises me (should it?).  We sing and dance to the movie Xanadu (don't judge).  Singing is popular in our house; my kiddo will look right into my eyes and sing the entire chorus of "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker.  Even though she isn't great with her colors yet, she can count to twelve - and we're working up to twenty.

When I feel inadequate - which really isn't as frequently as some might think - I hear that little voice in my head singing "You Are So Beautiful."  Or I think of the joy she has when I pick her up after school, as she yells goodbye to everyone all the way down the hall.  Then I remember the little dance she does along with Gene Kelly in Xanadu.  That's when I appreciate the wondrous child that I have - and know that even though I'm not perfect, my kid is blossoming.  So I must be doing something right.

Buying Coupons: Worth the Cost?

Now that I’m actively learning to coupon, I met with a fellow mom yesterday to discuss her methods, which includes purchasing high-value coupons.  She made a case for this, as per her example, that she can buy a coupon for a free DiGiorno pizza for $2, and thus making the pizza cost $2.  What happens, though, when it’s not a coupon for a free item, just 'x' number of dollars or cents off?  Is it still worth purchasing the coupon?  I chose to investigate. 

I'm just not a fan of drugstore shopping.  The CVS isn't all that convenient, and our nearest Walgreens only opened up about three months ago.  I also think their prices are significantly higher.  This week Walgreens has a deal for B1G1 Kleenex.  Typically we buy Meijer brand tissues when they’re part of the 10 for 10 (making them $1 each).  My fellow couponing mom had coupons for 60 cents off a single box of Kleenex (brand name), and offered 10 to me at no cost, even though she paid 10 cents apiece for them.  She suggested that I do this deal – her math said that each box would be 40 cents apiece using the coupon with the B1G1.  The problem wasn't in her math.  The problem was that the boxes are $2.49 apiece, not $1.99!  Since it was still cheaper than my usual $1 threshold, I bought four boxes using four 60-cent off coupons for a total of $2.93 with tax. 

This got me to roughly 74 cents per box.  That’s not shabby, but more than I expected.  Furthermore, if I had bought the coupons, they would have technically been 84 cents per box.  At this point, with the cost of stamps ballooning, is the 16-cent savings worth it?  As a SAHM, I’m not sure it really is.  Fortunately I ran into Walgreens while the kiddo was at school, so it’s not like I dragged her in and out of a store I only spent five minutes in.  Likewise, it was on my way home from the chiropractor, so I didn't waste any gas with the stop.  My final point in this scenario:  My fellow mom picks up the coupons from a lady that lives nearby, so she isn't using postage, but she’s still using gas.  And the difference between buying a Meijer brand box on sale at $1 versus this sale is only 16 cents per box. 

Personally, I've never considered buying coupons.  To me, it defeats the purpose.  My husband is even skeptical of trading, due to the now-high cost of stamps.  While I will keep an open mind, I don’t think I’d ever purchase coupons for items that aren't already free.  The effort seems to outweigh the savings in this case.  In fact, she gave me ten coupons, and I only used four, so I’d like to return the rest to her.  I think she wants them more than I do.

My Sweet Dec. 26th Haul

What a lousy picture of a fantastic haul.  I'm a big proponent of after-Christmas clearances, and this year did not disappoint.  I love buying gifts in advance, especially for the older folks in my family.  Likewise, I have an Aunt that is insistent on exchanging token gifts.  Therefore the after-Christmas sales are almost better than Black Friday for me.  December 26th is about the hidden gems that you find; Black Friday always involves a plan.  So, below are a few hints about what to buy:

-My daughter is in preschool, and needs to bring a snack to share with the class again in a few weeks.  At Target I bought the Market Pantry Christmas snacks, reindeer grahams and packages of fruit snacks.  It's nice to have some variety from the typical Goldfish and pretzels.

-Not only did I buy the wrapping paper for Bebe's gifts for next year, but the Sofia the First wrapping paper was not remotely Christmas-y.  There are some snowflakes in the background, so I'm using it for her birthday!

-Since we're starting on the potty training soon, I picked up some "rewards" for Bebe.  Target and Meijer had great stocking stuffer items like bubbles and stickers.  Anything else we don't use is going with us on our Disney trip in the spring to use as "souvenirs."  It's cheaper to bring our own Disney-branded souvenirs, and since she's 2, she'll never know the difference.

-Reynolds Wrap.  I haven't bought any at regular price in years.  Stupid snowflakes on the box immediately signal clearance at Target.

-Plastic food storage.  I threw out a bunch of old Glad and Ziploc storage containers.  Plus, since my sister has celiac disease,  I need to have unused containers on hand for when she comes to visit and we have leftovers.

-Baking supplies.  It's cookies galore at our house!  We have cookie mixes, refrigerated cookies, cake mixes, frosting, and even Wilton candy melts so that we can eat our way through the winter.

And, of course . . . next year's gifts.  As much as I would have liked to hit the 70% clearance, not only has my kid been sick (again), but the past few days have been the stuff of my snow nightmares, so I'm just going to be thankful that I got out to get the deals when I did.  Savings is savings.  I bought holiday throw pillows for the teachers for $7.49 apiece; I am content with that price.  I also got a cookie jar at that same price.  In the end, I wasn't wowed by the boxed gifts, and didn't buy much, but as long as the teachers are taken care of, I'm happy.

Having said all of this, bear in mind that I DID use coupons.  For example, I bought five packages of Bounty, and had a coupon for each one.  Some things I doubled my coupons on, like the Press-n-Seal (mPerk and Target coupon).  I also bought two bags of Starbucks holiday blend for $5.84 after the discount and coupons.  My lousy picture doesn't do my haul justice; combined with my Dominick's purchases, it's quite the beautiful stockpile, and there are things I won't have to buy again until next year!

Inexpensive Teacher Gifts

As much as I'd like to present myself as a DIY-savvy Mom, I am not.  I don't think I'm remotely close.  I have no interest in making soaps or bath salts.  There are far more creative Moms out there, as far as I'm concerned.  When it came time for our very first Christmas needing teacher gifts, I just headed down to the basement stockpile and put a gift together. 

Not to digress, but I was relatively surprised to see a few Moms simply handing the teachers cards, presumably with a gift card or cash enclosed.  I asked my SIL about it, and she said that she typically gives her daughter's teachers Starbucks cards.  Honestly that never occurred to me.  I don't tend to give gift cards, and when I do, it's usually to men I have a hard time shopping for.  It takes the fun out of giving the gift for me. 

My inexpensive teacher gifts were partially purchased on December 26th of last year.  I love to shop the after Christmas sales for holiday merchandise at discounted prices, and bought some cute hand towel sets at Target at 50% off.  Then, on Black Friday, I bought World Market cocoa packets at B2G1 free.  I just tied them together with holiday ribbon, added a gift tag, and was done!  This is the way Moms on a budget do it!  It's not flashy, but it sure is useful.  One of my favorite gift-giving tips is to buy holiday gifts after the holiday, for the following year.  Items like hand towels are easy to store, don't take up much space, and don't expire.  Don't be afraid to purchase in advance - it's a great way to save money!